My Last Secret
by sctwilightvampwolfgal
Summary: Rin held one more secret to heart, one that he hadn't even let his brother in on until now. *Deanon from the Ao No Exorcist Kink Meme on LiveJournal.*


His fingers trembled as he adjusted the shirt that lay over his skirt for what must have been the millionth time.

Yukio had already left to finish preparing for their cram school class yet all Rin could focus on was this, an admission of sorts that screamed louder than his own bloodline within him.

The skirt swayed around his legs as he stared into the mirror, scared of what others would say to him despite how close he felt to his friends and knowing that they'd always accepted him before, but what if...?

His breath caught and the bow in his hair twirled almost violently at the way he moved, flinching almost as if he'd been shocked.

He hadn't even told Yukio.

What was there to say about this other than the fact that he wasn't really a girl and didn't ultimately want to be, but he loved the way the skirt followed his movements as if it was compelled, no, commanded to do so.

His breath caught, for once that barrette was not in his hair, his hair hold a bow, a dark blue color just barely off from his hair color.

His hands grasped at the button up shirt, feeling far too feminine all of a sudden as if a hole had opened up in the floor, and he was drowning; it was silly, no one would say anything.

Rin held the skirt tentatively within his hands felt the way it dusted across his legs and tried to breath evenly enough to calm down.

No one would call him names; they'd understand.

Still that fear clung to him, reminding him of some of the less than happy stories that he'd read before where a crossdresser as that was what he was, came out to his or her friends as simply enjoying the way the fabric fit on their skin and the way it looked as if meant to be there.

He wasn't playing dress up or trying to mold himself into being a woman, he just really liked the way it felt and the way it looked in the mirror always had him catching his breath as he was truly beautiful.

His hair was short, but it gave to the bow within it.

His legs weren't nearly as feminine or long enough yet the skirt may them appear as if they were just the right width and stunningly beautiful; they looked as if they fit better, molded themselves better, to his frame.

The button up top was only slightly feminine in appearance yet reminded him of how attractive his torso could appear, almost enticingly at its perfection.

The way the bow on the shirt caught his throat reminded him that yes, that could be attractive too.

It wasn't an attempt at seduction, but it was a steady reminder that he could be beautiful regardless even if he had these stolen moments of simple pride with how they fit and the way that gave to his appearance as if his body, too, yearned to wear them.

Rin calms down if only for a moment; he wanted his friends to know, to understand, more than anything.

He longed for his friends to understand his secrets if only for a reminder that he wasn't bizarre and that he wasn't alone.

Rin let his eyes wander through the mirror down to his legs so adorned in blue and white stockings that reminded him of the True Cross logo and to shoes held within black dress shoes, just femininely enough to remind Rin and possibly others of where he had to have bought them.

He took a deep breath; his friends had the right to know as did his brother.

This was different than keeping his lineage a secret as this wasn't a major part of his blood or something that would scare others, but it could all the same drive them away.

He was not weak, and he refused to stand in this bathroom in his dormitory alone, caught up in fear of what others would think.

Rin had to let them know and get over this little bump in the road.

* * *

When he did leave the little bathroom that was seldom used, he walked along the path towards the main building, ignoring the occasional whistle and 'who is she?' that emanated from men probably far too interested in him for comfort.

There was the bitter mutter from some of the girls still milling about over how a new girl could garner so much attention and why she was walking towards the building when the morning classes had ended and only cram school was left.

Rin was not another girl and the accusations hurt more than he'd admit.

He just loved the way these clothes encased him, made him feel beautiful, and made him feel absolutely amazing.

The half-demon continued his march towards the classroom that his lesson would be in regardless of what other students, other people, that he did not know would say.

Shiemi was the first to comment when he entered the room that held the other students regardless of all of the staring.

"Rin? Is that you? You look so pretty, but..." Words seemed to fail her as she considered what this could mean as there were many reasons as to why her friend might be crossdressing though the ideas, the rationale, left her mind.

Izumo was the first to finally form coherent enough questions, "Why are you in a skirt?"

Rin took a deep breath and spoke as evenly as he could muster, "I wanted to."

Shima spoke up in a way just then that both unnerved Rin and left him feeling a tad calmer, "You look really nice in a skirt." His smirk though was enough to spread unease as if Shima suddenly had new ideas of what Rin could be doing in a skirt.

Bon glared at him, "Why would you come here in a skirt?" Truthfully, seeing Rin in a skirt could do quite a bit of harm to Bon's usually fairly innocent thoughts.

Rin muttered, "I figured that everyone should know that I, well..."

"Brother, how long as this been going on?" Yukio appeared to be freaking out internally with only his eyes and the slightest curve down of his lips has any indication as he stood there with a mind racing with questions of how long this had been going on without him knowing at all.

Rin took a deep breath, "Since we were little."

He'd seen plenty of girls wear skirts to school, they always looked so happy, and his father had occasionally mentioned how great skirts were though not in a particularly innocent sense all of the time.

He couldn't help but want a piece of that happiness even if it wasn't necessarily what made them so happy.

Rin had only known one person back then who hadn't cared and was alright with letting Rin try on a few skirts and dresses.

She was an older woman who owned a small shop and lived nearby.

She'd let Rin try on a skirt regardless of any of her reasons as to why, and he loved it.

Rin had pivoted slightly on his feet and watched the skirt flow around his legs as he savored the gentle brush of soft fabric along his legs if only for a moment.

He took a deep breath as he stared down at himself, "This is fine, right?"

She'd smiled, "Who am I to take away a kid's happiness? Go ahead. If you want one, just let me know."

The owner of the shop left to head back to the counter just in case any customers were to wander in though it had never really been a busy place.

When Rin had wandered forward to buy a few with questions as to how so and so part of the outfit worked, she was eager to answer him and be of assistance.

He was her only customer, and she was the only person back then that he'd let see him in a dress.

Rin never did show his younger brother, the girls at school, or his father.

Yukio stared at him, "How did you get them?"  
Rin stared back at his taller brother, "I knew someone who owns a shop."  
He rocked on the balls of his feet, the only real comfort he obtained right now was the gentle swish of a skirt on his legs and the way it molded itself around him perfectly.

Yukio took a deep breath, "I guess that it's fine. Just everyone must pay attention to class even you, Rin."

He smiled at that and tried to hide his utter glee that his twin brother had accepted him.

Rin tried to pay attention to class though the occasional ogling of him by the boys in the class didn't really help matters.


End file.
